literally had 100 drinks last night.
barbara walters just said penis...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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