Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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