I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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