Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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