Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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