Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
