Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
