I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
