If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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