I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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