when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
