You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
