First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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