I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
