I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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