I got chris browned last night
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
