Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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