I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
