So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
