whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
