I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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