High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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