SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The struggles of a small town man whore
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
