i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
