she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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