yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
