So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
