Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize