That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
