God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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