Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
