But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
