i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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