Kiss
Puke
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
