did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
