I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
