the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Please don't give away my fajitas
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
