You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
