so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
