I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize