How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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