I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
