The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
