HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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