Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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