My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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