I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize