'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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