I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
