I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize