You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
