I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
