he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
