your parents love me but you hate me
If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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