Pregnant stripper...not hot.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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