Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
