You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
