I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize