Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
