dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
