Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
