i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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