The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
