He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I love you.
Bad choice
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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