He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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