why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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