Apparently you make a good broom.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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