Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
