some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Drunk is not a location!
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