I never want to see another naked old woman again.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
