ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
