oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
