im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
