What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
