R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
