I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
