Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
