And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He better not be in your backpack
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
