Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
