I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
BRING THE BAGELS
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
