i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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