She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I party with great urgency now.
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