just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
