I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
