This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
