Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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