My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
