In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she looked like the before picture.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
